I received your letter on the gossip about my daughter, Persephone, and her husband, Hades. Very informative. The fact that they’ve separated and are living on opposite sides of the Underworld is very scandalous, you say, but I’m hardly surprised. The sanctity of marriage is at an all time low… Oh, I’m sorry, wasn’t that your area of expertise? No offense, I guess.
I’ll confess myself a tad shocked to have received your letter. Aside from the fact that we haven’t spoken to each other for two millennium since the whole Zeus thing, it was mostly your mode of communication which made me wonder. Snail mail? Very human.
You wrote of cereal in your letter. Yes, it’s named after me, because it’s made of grains, which I introduced to humanity. No, it’s not lousy! At least my contribution to humankind is useful. What did you contribute, marriage counseling?
Anyway, I’m surprised you even had time to wrote an entire letter, seeing as you’re usually preoccupied with trying to keep Zeus on a leash. I don’t know where he is, if that’s what you mean to ask. So we had a little fling, I don’t keep tabs on him. I’m quite busy, you know. Doing my job as an all powerful deity? Something you may want to try for once. Just accept Zeus as who he is- a dude who just can’t keep it in his pants.
How are the kids? Or have you completely forgotten about them in your effort to keep your husband under control? At least I try to be a good mother to Persephone. Tell me, how’s Hephaestus? Still broken from the time you threw him off Olympus?
I’m fine, by the way, thanks for not asking. Living the single life, traveling the world, helping out humans. Rarely have free time, since I’m totally married to what I do. Hey, at least I don’t attempt to impregnate myself with a leaf of lettuce! Yes, I know about that. Apollo told me- he asked for my hand at one point, remember? He tells me everything.
Anyway, good luck finding Zeus. I’ll hear from you sometime in the next two millennia!
P.S. your sacred animal was a cow, right? Guess our animal does say a lot about who we are as a goddess! Toodles!